Tuesday, September 9, 2008

SO SAD









Last Wednesday, I experienced perhaps one of the most painful events in my life because I chose to give up the fight and attempt to kill myself.





For some of you this may come as a shock, but I believe that for most of you who really know me will say that you saw it coming. The pressures of my job, my family, my relationships, Quilter (let's all be honest--you know I was still talking to him!), and my entire world seemed to all spiral out of control.





It was truly a dark moment for me as I my mind mentally collapsed and I was truly in a dark place. Although I really do not remember much of what went on Wednesday night, I do recall that my parents, Tim, Alex, and Paul were all by my bedside. The next day my family and therapist both agreed that I was in need of professional health care and I was admitted to a hospital for 4 days so that I could get some help. I was angry and did not want to go, but it was either that or they were going to call the police and have them take me in.





My family and friends that were told of my situation, all made it a point to either visit or call me every single day. Without them, I think I would not have been able to see this challenge all of the way through. I am truly blessed to be loved my so many people who care about me.



I even called Quilter and asked him to come and visit me, but as most of you have already guessed--he didn't show or even call me while I was in the hospital. In fact, he proceed to tell me that his own mother attempted suicide 3 years ago and that he thought that it was the most selfish thing that a person could do. He then blamed me for "trying to get back at him for breaking up with me" back in March. I believed in him though. I thought that he was going to be my 'hero' and come to visit (or fuck, even call me!), but he didn't do any of those things. In fact, I have come to the recent knowledge that my friend Chris L. and Quilter are now dating each other--which I'm happy for, because I think they will celebrate many long years of happiness together.

Excuse me--just one second.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HO HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HEE HA!

My heart hurts that he couldn't even come to visit me or even call me. If Quilter wants to date that creepy looking bald guy from the Sarah Silverman Show, then he should. I just don't want any part of it and really don' t need anymore negative influences in my life right now.

Last night (Monday), the doctors felt comfortable releasing me from the hospital and my boys came and took me home. I'm actually going to stop writing now and take a nap.

I love you guys...



3 comments:

Projekt R3volution said...

I am glad you are turning a new leaf and things will get better from this point out. I am glad you see who has your back and who doesn't. You will get through the job stresses and hopefully the pain from the quilter can be a thing of the past now. Small steps but you are getting there best friend!

Wonder Man said...

Chris, I'm glad you're doing better. It's good to know that your peeps are close by, and we (your online buds) will be there whenever you need us

Alex said...

I tell you know like I have told you before: "I will always have your back." BELIEVE IT!

Love doesn't last forever, but hellfire does......